3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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