After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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