having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
