Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
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wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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