I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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