so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize