I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I need moral support for this bender
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
