I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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