Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
