I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
