I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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