I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
