I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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