Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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