I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
