I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
