at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We are two peas in an std pod
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
