I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
