Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.