im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale