my phone needs a breathalizer
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.