Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.