Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants