I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.