jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
