You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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