I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
