My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
