I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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