absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My ass is underappreciated
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
