Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
bring money and cleavage
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
