I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
