Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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