don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
