Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
