I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
