The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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