i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
