I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
