I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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