I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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