I'm gonna have a badass scar
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
