we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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