So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
