This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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