am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
