take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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