not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
