Nicole vs. Life
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
