it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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