I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
