Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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