Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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