Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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