ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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