I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
