I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
