New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
