Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
