you would pick up someone in the library
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
