Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
