We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
