She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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