there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
